THE ALTER EGO

I am at a very low point in my college career. One may argue that I have been in a continues slump since going to college, Well except freshman year. But anyway... I have asked my lab instructor to give me an incomplete in a course I am taking for the second time. There is no way I can obtain enough points to even pass the class, and for the sake of my gpa and other finals I would really like to just call it quits for this year and focus on other things. Like finding an apartment. I really want to move in two weeks, but have been too busy to look.

My professor has asked to meet to discuss my options, but I don't how there is any. There is hardly enough time for me to make up all that I have fallen behind in. To make it worse this is a lab class with limited amount of time available. I am not really sure what my prof is going to say, or how he thinks we can make this better. I was given horrible TA advise and went through all that crap with the roommate, and now there is not time left. I am totally depressed about this class because I went in with the intent to get an A or at the very least a B. Neither of those will happen, and it is too late to withdraw from the class. I am just not really sure what there is left to do or to talk about. I want out so I can salvage what is left of this term.

I took two test on Wednesday, in both of my calculus classes. I think they went ok- hopefully better than last time. I don't want C's again this term, but that is what I am going to get. I tried really hard at the beginning of the term. I was working out, studying a lot and getting good grades. After the roommate debacle I slumped. I got so emotionally worn out that I didn't want to go for a run or study- I just wanted to watch TV. I knew I was kind of screwing myself over as I sat and watch VH1 or TLC, but it felt good to relax. If only I had put those thoughts aside for another month and a half... If only huh?

I am also not happy with this whole Vegas situation. I am not happy about my clothes or my hair, but I am accepting my body. I've decided that I am not going to have a good time if I worry about what I look like compared to everyone else. I know deep down things could be a lot worse than they are- hell I am in pretty good shape for not really working out in a few weeks. It helps that I have been tanning. I know how horrible it is blah, blah, blah. It is my time that I have to myself to do nothing but standing in a warm cancer bubble listening to shitty rap. I enjoy it and I do feel a little guilty every time I go, but whatever.

The thing about my hair is that I cut it all off a couple of months ago, and while it is growing pretty fast, it is not long like I really want it to be. I know I should probably get it cut to help it grow- I am just scared of cutting more off than necessary.

Basically life really sucks right now. Money sucks, school sucks. I have to find an freaking apartment and maybe study for a final I would rather not take. Damn it!