Thursday, May 25, 2006
School sucks really bad right now
I am at a very low point in my college career. One may argue that I have been in a continues slump since going to college, Well except freshman year. But anyway... I have asked my lab instructor to give me an incomplete in a course I am taking for the second time. There is no way I can obtain enough points to even pass the class, and for the sake of my gpa and other finals I would really like to just call it quits for this year and focus on other things. Like finding an apartment. I really want to move in two weeks, but have been too busy to look.
My professor has asked to meet to discuss my options, but I don't how there is any. There is hardly enough time for me to make up all that I have fallen behind in. To make it worse this is a lab class with limited amount of time available. I am not really sure what my prof is going to say, or how he thinks we can make this better. I was given horrible TA advise and went through all that crap with the roommate, and now there is not time left. I am totally depressed about this class because I went in with the intent to get an A or at the very least a B. Neither of those will happen, and it is too late to withdraw from the class. I am just not really sure what there is left to do or to talk about. I want out so I can salvage what is left of this term.
I took two test on Wednesday, in both of my calculus classes. I think they went ok- hopefully better than last time. I don't want C's again this term, but that is what I am going to get. I tried really hard at the beginning of the term. I was working out, studying a lot and getting good grades. After the roommate debacle I slumped. I got so emotionally worn out that I didn't want to go for a run or study- I just wanted to watch TV. I knew I was kind of screwing myself over as I sat and watch VH1 or TLC, but it felt good to relax. If only I had put those thoughts aside for another month and a half... If only huh?
I am also not happy with this whole Vegas situation. I am not happy about my clothes or my hair, but I am accepting my body. I've decided that I am not going to have a good time if I worry about what I look like compared to everyone else. I know deep down things could be a lot worse than they are- hell I am in pretty good shape for not really working out in a few weeks. It helps that I have been tanning. I know how horrible it is blah, blah, blah. It is my time that I have to myself to do nothing but standing in a warm cancer bubble listening to shitty rap. I enjoy it and I do feel a little guilty every time I go, but whatever.
The thing about my hair is that I cut it all off a couple of months ago, and while it is growing pretty fast, it is not long like I really want it to be. I know I should probably get it cut to help it grow- I am just scared of cutting more off than necessary.
Basically life really sucks right now. Money sucks, school sucks. I have to find an freaking apartment and maybe study for a final I would rather not take. Damn it!
My professor has asked to meet to discuss my options, but I don't how there is any. There is hardly enough time for me to make up all that I have fallen behind in. To make it worse this is a lab class with limited amount of time available. I am not really sure what my prof is going to say, or how he thinks we can make this better. I was given horrible TA advise and went through all that crap with the roommate, and now there is not time left. I am totally depressed about this class because I went in with the intent to get an A or at the very least a B. Neither of those will happen, and it is too late to withdraw from the class. I am just not really sure what there is left to do or to talk about. I want out so I can salvage what is left of this term.
I took two test on Wednesday, in both of my calculus classes. I think they went ok- hopefully better than last time. I don't want C's again this term, but that is what I am going to get. I tried really hard at the beginning of the term. I was working out, studying a lot and getting good grades. After the roommate debacle I slumped. I got so emotionally worn out that I didn't want to go for a run or study- I just wanted to watch TV. I knew I was kind of screwing myself over as I sat and watch VH1 or TLC, but it felt good to relax. If only I had put those thoughts aside for another month and a half... If only huh?
I am also not happy with this whole Vegas situation. I am not happy about my clothes or my hair, but I am accepting my body. I've decided that I am not going to have a good time if I worry about what I look like compared to everyone else. I know deep down things could be a lot worse than they are- hell I am in pretty good shape for not really working out in a few weeks. It helps that I have been tanning. I know how horrible it is blah, blah, blah. It is my time that I have to myself to do nothing but standing in a warm cancer bubble listening to shitty rap. I enjoy it and I do feel a little guilty every time I go, but whatever.
The thing about my hair is that I cut it all off a couple of months ago, and while it is growing pretty fast, it is not long like I really want it to be. I know I should probably get it cut to help it grow- I am just scared of cutting more off than necessary.
Basically life really sucks right now. Money sucks, school sucks. I have to find an freaking apartment and maybe study for a final I would rather not take. Damn it!
Friday, May 12, 2006
Friday nights are for sleeping
For the past two years I have been working Thursday and Friday nights at the hotel. While I don't really care about Thursdays because I have class at 8am the next morning, working Fridays really sucks. The past two years have been crippling in my social life.
As an example tonight Dan and his roommates are having a BBQ at their place. They had 20 confirmed guests out of who knows how many. I would have loved to go because I don't get the chance to see many people. All the people hang out on Fridays. Has the Saturday night gone out of style? Where was I when that happened?
I know all for this sounds selfish- hang out on Saturdays because that's when it is convenient for Angela... But seriously? It seems like almost all the parties or concerts, or anything happens on Friday nights. I just want one something to be on Saturday. Dan's argument is people go out of town on Saturday. I say not every freaking soul leaves for the weekend. If they can plan it on a night that I can't be there, then they can do the same to Joe-Shmoe right?
I just want to be able to see my friends too. I guess I should stop bitching and plan my own kick ass party. Especially since the roommate is gone. I don't know. I just feel left out and like no one cares if I can make it or not. It's not very nice feeling expendable.
As an example tonight Dan and his roommates are having a BBQ at their place. They had 20 confirmed guests out of who knows how many. I would have loved to go because I don't get the chance to see many people. All the people hang out on Fridays. Has the Saturday night gone out of style? Where was I when that happened?
I know all for this sounds selfish- hang out on Saturdays because that's when it is convenient for Angela... But seriously? It seems like almost all the parties or concerts, or anything happens on Friday nights. I just want one something to be on Saturday. Dan's argument is people go out of town on Saturday. I say not every freaking soul leaves for the weekend. If they can plan it on a night that I can't be there, then they can do the same to Joe-Shmoe right?
I just want to be able to see my friends too. I guess I should stop bitching and plan my own kick ass party. Especially since the roommate is gone. I don't know. I just feel left out and like no one cares if I can make it or not. It's not very nice feeling expendable.
Thursday, May 04, 2006
Rant!
Money is going to be the death of me. Actually, Daniel dealing with money is going to be the death of me. That boy has overdrawn his account 200 bucks, and I just gave him my paycheck to cover it. Will this ever freaking end? I feel like I've been giving Daniel a good portion of my money for the past 3 years- ever since I started working. I am not the type of person to just leave him hanging in the wind if he's having money problems and I've got the money. But it has come to point where I might be willing to stop helping him. It may be what he needs to get his act in order. He owes his parents multiple thousands of dollars for school loans or the time he crashed Tim's car and had to pay for the two grand in repairs, but didn't have a job so he had to take a loan out from the parents. I am just not sure when enough is going to be enough, but I am reaching my boiling point pretty damn quick. Daniel is working two jobs, he works more hours a week than I do, yet I am still supporting him with no help from him at all! It can drive a woman crazy.
I am just becoming run down with all of Daniel's money problems, that then become my problems. I wanted to save the check so I could apy for the airfare and hotel for Vegas. Instead I had to help Dan with his freaking overdraft fees. All I can do is hope my heating bill is not astronomical. I am just freaking done with being an adult!!! good night.
I am just becoming run down with all of Daniel's money problems, that then become my problems. I wanted to save the check so I could apy for the airfare and hotel for Vegas. Instead I had to help Dan with his freaking overdraft fees. All I can do is hope my heating bill is not astronomical. I am just freaking done with being an adult!!! good night.
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
Comptemplating life
Do you ever have those days when every damn thing seems upside down?
Yeah it's one of those today... My rent check is a day late, and I don't even have enough money in my account to cover all of it. I may be a few dollars short, but in my mind all I see is that I am short. That's all the damn bank sees, too! I've really been slacking off these last few weeks. Mainly because I am so damn stressed out about the CUNT Megan.
When I went to drop off my rent check I picked up the listings for the apartments that will be available in a few months. I thought I would be living by myself because apparently I cannot live with people, but all of the places are well out of my budget. I don't want to ask my parents for more money because A)my mom is already helping and B)I feel like I should be independent enough to be doing all of this on my own. I feel horrible that my mom gives me rent money to begin with. I work two jobs, how can I not afford to feel and house myself? Answer: weed. That! That is my biggest problem; both for school and money. I've tried before to cut down and to stop, and I just can't seem to get a hold on it. Or on myself for that matter. I'll be 23 in the fall and graduating next summer- I feel like I should grow up. But then I also feel that I am in college, one more year of it, and now is the time to PAAAARTY!
I just don't know what I want from myself right now. I am not sure what I want out of my relationship with Dan. I feel like we are becoming opposites more and more. He doesn't care about taking a few extra minutes to himself, thus blowing off someone else. He is not on top of his money or his money situation with the roommates. He doesn't ever get anything done on time unless he is hounded by someone, and that someone is usually me. I hate hounding him. I feel like his mother- and that is the last person I want to be! I really wish we could see eye-to-eye on more things.
I know I think too much about the future, but I am a planner. I have always been this way for as long as I can remember- and my mother would tell you the same thing! I just feel like maybe in the long run, my relationship with Daniel is not what I thought I bargained for and I am going to be disappointed. I do love him, and I used to think he was the one I wanted to marry and have children with. But I don't know if I can handle his being so lax about every thing. I don't know if I could handle him coming home and having a beer instead of sitting down with his kids. Or going out to one of the 3 cars he wants to work on. I don't want Junkers in my lawn! I don't want a husband that is going to drink all the time or smoke pot. That is not what I want and I promised myself better.
I am not sure how things are going to turn out. Hell- maybe Daniel is feeling the same way. I know that life changes, and changes, and changes; and what seems bad right now is really not. I know it all could be so much worse, so I'll stop complaining right here and get my laundry done so that I feel productive! One good thing is going to happen today.
Yeah it's one of those today... My rent check is a day late, and I don't even have enough money in my account to cover all of it. I may be a few dollars short, but in my mind all I see is that I am short. That's all the damn bank sees, too! I've really been slacking off these last few weeks. Mainly because I am so damn stressed out about the CUNT Megan.
When I went to drop off my rent check I picked up the listings for the apartments that will be available in a few months. I thought I would be living by myself because apparently I cannot live with people, but all of the places are well out of my budget. I don't want to ask my parents for more money because A)my mom is already helping and B)I feel like I should be independent enough to be doing all of this on my own. I feel horrible that my mom gives me rent money to begin with. I work two jobs, how can I not afford to feel and house myself? Answer: weed. That! That is my biggest problem; both for school and money. I've tried before to cut down and to stop, and I just can't seem to get a hold on it. Or on myself for that matter. I'll be 23 in the fall and graduating next summer- I feel like I should grow up. But then I also feel that I am in college, one more year of it, and now is the time to PAAAARTY!
I just don't know what I want from myself right now. I am not sure what I want out of my relationship with Dan. I feel like we are becoming opposites more and more. He doesn't care about taking a few extra minutes to himself, thus blowing off someone else. He is not on top of his money or his money situation with the roommates. He doesn't ever get anything done on time unless he is hounded by someone, and that someone is usually me. I hate hounding him. I feel like his mother- and that is the last person I want to be! I really wish we could see eye-to-eye on more things.
I know I think too much about the future, but I am a planner. I have always been this way for as long as I can remember- and my mother would tell you the same thing! I just feel like maybe in the long run, my relationship with Daniel is not what I thought I bargained for and I am going to be disappointed. I do love him, and I used to think he was the one I wanted to marry and have children with. But I don't know if I can handle his being so lax about every thing. I don't know if I could handle him coming home and having a beer instead of sitting down with his kids. Or going out to one of the 3 cars he wants to work on. I don't want Junkers in my lawn! I don't want a husband that is going to drink all the time or smoke pot. That is not what I want and I promised myself better.
I am not sure how things are going to turn out. Hell- maybe Daniel is feeling the same way. I know that life changes, and changes, and changes; and what seems bad right now is really not. I know it all could be so much worse, so I'll stop complaining right here and get my laundry done so that I feel productive! One good thing is going to happen today.
