Friday, January 26, 2007
Feeling Fat
I know I am not fat, but the jean companies seems to have an alternative idea for how I should feel.
When I was in high school I wore a size four. Since being in college I have deluded myself into thinking I am a size two... This is not true as I cannot really fit into those jeans without muffin topping it. Gross! I have no problem with being a size four. But just looking at some websites and different size charts it appears that my 37" waiste is anywhere from a four to a nine. A nine!!! I really do not want to be a size nine. Or an eight, for that matter. I'd really just like to be a four.
I also know that eatting all the McDonald's in the last few months did not help. I have a kazillion excuses, which will do me no good. I just need to eat better. To make wiser choices and no skip out on myself anymore. I just wish it was easier.
I have been trying to go to the REC on campus for the past few weeks, and while there have been some rough patches, I think I've done pretty well for myself, if only I could just keep it up.
I think part of the problem was that over the summer a lot of the family or friends that I had no seen in a while kept commenting on how "skinny" I was, yet I weighed more then than when I was in high school. I am not sure why they thought I had lost weight, maybe it was the fact that I dress myself a little better. I used to have pride in my body. I felt good about how "skinny" I was and didn't mind wearing clothes that showed that off. Now I am not so sure about my weight, and the shape my body is in.
I want to work out and eat better because I know it is good for my health. I also do it because I know that if I get in the habit now I'll have that on my side when I get older and it is harder to shed those pounds that happen to pack on as your metabolism slows.
It's hard to come to the realization that you just cannot eat whatever you want anymore. Especially when you have a boyfriend that can eat ANYTHING and not gain a single pound. Stress doesn't help either. I am graduating in June and am freaking out about it a little bit. I want to feel good, and I want my family there, but at the same time I am afraid I am going to disappoint everyone. It's a terrible feeling that I just can't shake for some reason.
I am not really sure where I am going with this. I just needed to get it all out of my head.
It just comes down to me working out when I tell myself I am going to. Sticking to my eating plan and not over-eating. I hope I make my goal. I know I can make my goal, if only I stick to my standards of what is good and not good.
Damn you body! Get into shape!
No more chips, candy or carbs. It's all about doing well for your body.
When I was in high school I wore a size four. Since being in college I have deluded myself into thinking I am a size two... This is not true as I cannot really fit into those jeans without muffin topping it. Gross! I have no problem with being a size four. But just looking at some websites and different size charts it appears that my 37" waiste is anywhere from a four to a nine. A nine!!! I really do not want to be a size nine. Or an eight, for that matter. I'd really just like to be a four.
I also know that eatting all the McDonald's in the last few months did not help. I have a kazillion excuses, which will do me no good. I just need to eat better. To make wiser choices and no skip out on myself anymore. I just wish it was easier.
I have been trying to go to the REC on campus for the past few weeks, and while there have been some rough patches, I think I've done pretty well for myself, if only I could just keep it up.
I think part of the problem was that over the summer a lot of the family or friends that I had no seen in a while kept commenting on how "skinny" I was, yet I weighed more then than when I was in high school. I am not sure why they thought I had lost weight, maybe it was the fact that I dress myself a little better. I used to have pride in my body. I felt good about how "skinny" I was and didn't mind wearing clothes that showed that off. Now I am not so sure about my weight, and the shape my body is in.
I want to work out and eat better because I know it is good for my health. I also do it because I know that if I get in the habit now I'll have that on my side when I get older and it is harder to shed those pounds that happen to pack on as your metabolism slows.
It's hard to come to the realization that you just cannot eat whatever you want anymore. Especially when you have a boyfriend that can eat ANYTHING and not gain a single pound. Stress doesn't help either. I am graduating in June and am freaking out about it a little bit. I want to feel good, and I want my family there, but at the same time I am afraid I am going to disappoint everyone. It's a terrible feeling that I just can't shake for some reason.
I am not really sure where I am going with this. I just needed to get it all out of my head.
It just comes down to me working out when I tell myself I am going to. Sticking to my eating plan and not over-eating. I hope I make my goal. I know I can make my goal, if only I stick to my standards of what is good and not good.
Damn you body! Get into shape!
No more chips, candy or carbs. It's all about doing well for your body.
// posted by Angela @ 9:03 PM 
